A Note on Feminism in the LDS Church

What most people don't understand is that you don't have to be influenced by other people, whether in or outside of the LDS church, about how you live your life. This thought was inspired by a Relief Society lesson given today, while well done, happened to have a few things that I disagreed with. The woman teaching the lesson said that she really wanted to get a Ph. D. after finishing her bachelor's degree, but knew that she should be a mother instead. Um, hello?!?!?! You CAN DO BOTH! Another thing that she said is that she was nervous to have children. OKAY, SECOND HELLO!!!! If you're not comfortable having them yet, WAIT! You're still 23, you're young. The Lord doesn't encourage people to do things by making them nervous about it. If I felt that way personally (which I do), then I would logically choose not to have children until I wanted them and felt like I would be an adequately good mother to them.

People in the LDS church often think that your life has to go like this: Mission, Marriage, Kids, Grandkids, Die. While all of those steps are important, they don't have to happen a year apart from each other. Just because you get married, that doesn't mean that you should have a child 9 months later. You wait UNTIL YOU'RE READY. You also wait until you feel right about getting married. While it is true that most people feel nervous about getting married, if it is a consistent nervousness and you know you're not ready for it, THEN DON'T GET MARRIED. It's okay to date longer than a year, trust me, I did it.

This thought also occured to me. In our church, it isn't usually the men who facilitate this anti-feminist approach to life, it's OTHER WOMEN. These other women hold themselves back from what the world could give to them and what they could give to the world.

For me personally, I plan on having children, but not until I am older (around 30). I also don't want more than three children at the maximum. I'll also tell you that I'm not going to hell because of these choices, rather, I'm doing what's right for me and Daren. I plan on getting a higher degree.

I'm sick of people facilitating these stereotypes in our church. Do you want to know what the women are like, for the most part, outside of Utah, but also active in the LDS church? They are strong, many hold careers (which is PROVEN by studies to actually make you a better and more effective mother), and they don't let people walk all over them and tell them how they personally should live their lives. That was what I thought all women in the LDS church were like. I never felt like I had to "fill" a mode until I came to Utah. I still don't feel that way, but many people here will try to make you believe it. If I wasn't as strong as I am, I certainly would. If being a mother, however, is what you want to do, no matter how young or old you are, do it. Just DON'T DO IT because anyone else told you that was what you had to do.

Just as I would not expect someone to favorably agree to my view on how people should live their lives, everyone else shouldn't assume that I will favorably agree with there's. So if you are an anti-feminist, keep your opinions to yourself and your own life, and DON'T tell me how to live mine.

I have many things that I want to do with my life. However, just because you have DIFFERENT ambitions, that doesn't make them mine. Don't push them on me as I won't push my personal opinions on you. I won't ever make you feel guilty for not working, but don't make me feel guilty for not wanting children right away or not being a housewife. I won't ever tell you that your opinions are wrong, but I EXPECT the same courtesy from you. Opinions are what they are: opinions. Whose are right or wrong, it doesn't matter, because life isn't black and white. Unless you can label the greys with absolute accuracy, don't tell me which grey is right and which grey is wrong. And let me tell you - no one can label the greys as black and white, that IS why they are grey. Do what you need to do, and I'll do what I need to do, but DON'T force what you need to do for yourself on me.